Edward's Fanfiction
by lilly1720
Summary: This is basically Edward explaining about how life was before Bella... it's funny and i want reviews! I'm totally suckish at summaries! So read it...it is sort of funny!
1. Very Short PREFACE

It was 3 in the morning and my mind was totally empty. I had no idea what to say, what to write…. and why did I want to in the first place. My name is Edward and I have a Fan fiction account about my own life…


	2. Becoming one

Okay I know a million creepy teenaged girls are hunting me down as I write…. right? No! What! I' am not a **fictitious** character! Well anyway let me take you on a journey to what ever the hell happened before the author of my _life_ even existed. _I guess I don't exist now and really shouldn't be writing this but…what the hell…!_

………………………………………………………………………………………………......................................................................................................................................

It was 1912and I was alone with my family…. Blah, blah, blah…that's go forward in time to 1918….

All I remember was lying in bed suffering from Spanish Influenza…funny isn't swine flu from Mexico…? Well anyway somehow I knew that my mother died and my father. I knew that I would be gone for sure unless some odd miracle was caste upon me. So I lied in my bed and waited to die…

The next thing I knew a man was biting on my neck… all I thought was Ah creeper get off of my neck, but the perv wouldn't stop! I felt a sharp hot pain run down my arm and I jolted in pain. He finally got off of me and sighed. He looked broken, as I was busy doing my spasm dance.

_The next thing I knew he started to whisper yell at me as I felt like I was on fire…_

"_Edward you're parents are dead…" he said…oh what a soothing way to ease my pain._

"_Now stop that! Breathe!" he said…I thought I was dead._

"_Why 'am I on fire?" I asked._

"_I saved your life." Well not much just answer my question creep! "You're going to live with me in my," flesh eating, "house" GREAT! _

"_Why?" I gasped._

"_Your not human." WHAT! So I' am an alien…? A freak'n fish…? A vampire…?_

"_I made you a vampire… but shhh you must be quiet about it." The hell I won't, I'll speak about this in court…but wait maybe I'll be sent to the insane house…? Hum…better than this. Yah! I guessed right!_

"_You will be named Edward Cullen instead of Edward Mason."_

"_Okay… can you give me a bucket of water or something… please…I think I jumped into hell." I said._

"_Oh that's just the sideafects."_

_SIDEAFECTS……..!_


	3. The Transformation dun dun dun dunnnnnn

_Five weeks of pure FIRE like flesh-eating bugs was all I felt as the man known as Carlisle Cullen adopted me. I sat on the steps everyday and would sob, as the pain wouldn't go away. Carlisle wouldn't stop bothering me. _

"_If your mouth starts to fell like it's dry and burning in the throat it's time for a hunt Edward," he said. Great._

"_Okay I'll think about it." _

"_Just we have one rule here…" I cut him off._

"_Share some blood for all…?" I guessed, "You know iron really isn't that great of a taste." _

"_We eat animals Edward…. people are incident."_

"_Well I thought you would go down to the morgue and grab a few for dinner…aw…" _

"_I know you probably miss your family but…"_

"_I don't believe in vampires and I don't believe in what is happening now…" I got up and sighed, "but I couldn't of thought this up in my mind."_

"_We are damned…"_

"_We are…but when I die…"_

"_We can't not unless someone cuts us up into pieces and burns us."_

"_God that must be painful."_

"_Extremely."_

"_Cut me into pieces." I said and held out my arms, "and burn me."_

"_No… you will be happy and now you are not…your still running on your human blood and I can not risk you killing all of Washington."_

"_Aw…why?"_

"_Because…"_

"_Well here comes me…the beautiful ravenous immortal ready to kill all of Washington and become super Edward!" I said and ran to the door. Then quickly stopped at the pain of the transformation._

"_You are not and it's not even the lest bit funny."_

"_Aw… hey do I get a room?"_

"_Yes…third door to the right."_

"_Yippy." I sighed sarcastically and ran up the stairs._


	4. Esme

In 1921 a new member arrived at my "dad's" house whom I felt more comfortable with. Her name was Esme and she had lovely Carmel colored hair and was not very short nor too tall. About 5' 10". Finally Carlisle wasn't bored with life with just me at home. He had a soul mate and soon they decided to marry.

_Carlisle told me his somewhat 'heroic' movement to save her life…_

"_It was a normal uneventful day…a woman came into the hospital and her report said she had jumped off a cliff. She lost her child and was married to an abusive husband. She was barring a child and ran away…obviously the child was the husband's. The lady gave birth to the little boy yet he died soon after…she then turned suicidal and jumped off a cliff. It broke my heart… she was presumed dead. I took her down to the morgue and felt a heart beat, but it was very faint and she would die, no doubt about it. So I had no other choice and you Edward we're the first successful experiment…so I tried again…it worked. She soon fell in love with me, and I fell in love with her. But she still grieves for her lost little one."_

_The story was very sad and I was oddly happy for Carlisle…but I was his experiment! What the freak was he thinking!!!! Oh the worst thing that would happen is that a stupid little human would be with his DEAD parents…oh no…don't go there sista! _

_WTF WTF WTF WTF WTF WTF W .T. FREAKING F!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!_

_"Well are you bringing her to live with you or what?" I asked Carlisle._

_"She's in the guest room…she thinks she can bring some 'life' to this place."_

_"What do you mean?"_

_"I mean she thinks the house needs some remodeling…it's apparently way too 1906 and not 1922." He rolled his golden eyes._

_"Great…" I sighed too._

_"So up for a little hunting…? Your eyes are black."_


	5. Rosalie

_Carlisle had to get Esme off of the human blood that drove her insane…but I thought that it was oddly amusing to see her totally freak out, it looked like she was a rapid bunny…harmless yet really funny and after you laugh at it you sigh a little. Any who we went out hunting for some mountain lion or anything else we could find. It was weird because I had strange vampire feelings and today I felt bad, really bad…_

_I saw a little bunny rabbit hop in front of me and stopped. It glared at my deep black eyes, so black that I barley had a pupil. He perked his ears and looked as if to smile. Then I thought and thought deeply, I heard Esme's thoughts, _I hate bunny, they taste bad and smell worse, even when I was human, oh crap pain spasm. _I chuckled rather low and pounced on the bunny rabbit. It made a squeaking noise and I twisted its neck. And started to run to Esme… planning what to say to her in my head…_

_I found Esme around a small lake or pond and held my hands behind my back with the rabbit in hand… "Hey Esme." I smiled. She turned around._

_"Hello Edward, what did you catch today?" she asked me._

_"All I could find was a turkey and a small cub." It was true._

_"Oh…" she turned around and I saw a man below the surface of the water._

_"Holy ****" I said._

_"I know, I know!"_

_"We can't tell Carlisle and by the way…" I put the bunny body on her head and ran away._

…………………………………_.._

_In the next few years a new member arrived at the house… Her name… Rosalie._

_Carlisle and Esme told me that she came close to death too and that she hates being a vampire… apparently she is pretty and she was going to get married and wanted a pretty basic apparently "The American Family". A husband children… excuse me but if you apparently are soooo pretty you must have a pretty smoking figure…right? Why totally ruin it by barring children? _


	6. I meet Rose

Rose reminded me of when I turned into a vampire, but I wasn't all bitchy about it. I remember hearing her story; her last name would be King…really? Well she didn't want the name of Cullen so she changed her name to Hale. I thought Carlisle wanted her to be my Esme… no way…Jesus, she like a super bring me down. Honestly, couldn't Carlisle leave her in the street to die? But no…………………………..

It was now me, Carlisle, Esme, and Rose…. like a really strange family we're the children are almost as old as the parents. I couldn't believe that she didn't want to be part of it…I got whatever I wanted…I had 2 cars already and Rose didn't want any part of it…just go than….


	7. Emmett comes pranks

Later Rose was out and brought back a man…he was big and he was dying… so Carlisle made him be one of us…his name…Emmett.

Later on Em and Rose hooked up and so C and Esme were together and Rose and Em were…but I didn't have a companion. Yet later on Em and I were like brothers… he would pull pranks on Rose when she was in her usually bitchy moods.

"Hey Edward." Em asked.

"Yep." I replied.

"Watch…see Rose sitting reading…"

"Of course I do…. and I can hear her too…. idiot."

"Well watch this…" he said and walked over very light…picked up the sofa and started to run up the stairs…. while Rose screamed….

"Holy crap you freaking idiot!!!!!! LET ME GET THE HELL OFF OF THIS FREAKING THING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" she yelled.

Emmett did as told and let her down, but on the bathroom floor…she smacked his face and leaped off the chair… "Sometimes I wish I left you in the woods." She said and walked away into the study.

"Ha ha." Emmett laughed.

"What to do now?"

"I don't know want to go to school?" he asked me.

"You mean High School…? Don't we have to enroll in it?"

"I guess…. why can't we?"

"We have to ask C."

"Sure."

"Sure."

Am awkward moment came and we walked away…Emmett went to bother Rose and I could hear her smacking him with a book.


End file.
